A Third Culture Kid

I had an unusual childhood compared to most Americans'.  My dad, now retired, was a Foreign Service Officer. I was born in Jerusalem and lived in then-West Germany, then-Yugoslavia, Italy, and intermittently, Bulgaria and Zambia. We would live in each country 2-3 years, and then move back to the United States in the DC area.  When you're a young kid, moving to other countries away from your friends isn't a big deal. We moved to Yugoslavia when I was seven, but I didn't really conceptualize that we were going to a whole other country.  We could have moved to a different DC suburb and it would have meant the same to me - I still would have lived in a neighborhood without my friends and gone to a different school.  And needless to say, at age 7, your friendships are not as tight as they are at age 10 or especially at 16.

Coming back to the States was much harder than moving away from them.  Even in the DC area where people from all over the world came to represent their countries and where there were many families like mine, who worked and lived overseas off and on, I often felt I was more of a foreigner than I had abroad.  My friends and I didn't know how to resume where we had left off; we didn't know how to overcome the yawning gaps of time, space, and contact.  It wasn't anyone's fault, but it was painful.

At the same time, I never fully embraced the cultures of the countries I lived in.  I always went to an English- speaking international school -- the best part of being a diplomat's kid -- that was pretty similar to an American school (except my classmates were from all over the world and I didn't learn very much American history.)  I didn't become fluent in the countries' languages -- far from it.  I often didn't even become friends with kids from the countries -- it was usually other diplomats' kids.  I grew up in the subculture of the U.S. Embassy.  More on that another time. 

I found out what a Third Culture Kid was about five years ago: “A third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture. The third culture kid builds relationships to all the cultures, while not having full ownership in any."  From TCKWorld, http://www.tckworld.com/  At 40 years old, I finally felt a sense of relief when I discovered a term for my childhood experience.  I also felt less alone.  I knew then that there were many people who have had the same pangs of loneliness and other-ness, the same sense of being unanchored, unidentified, and adrift, the same yearning for attachment, but also the pride of being worldly and comfort of adapting to different cultures.  I had some words, finally, to say who I was and am now.  A Third Culture Kid and Alum.